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WHY I LOVE PEYTON MANNING

Andrew West

1) Peyton Manning looks like Eeyore.

2) Peyton Manning's wife is obviously too hot for him.

3) Peyton Manning's wife is possibly on steroids, and this  makes me concerned for his safety.

4) Peyton Manning's commercials are actually pretty funny.

5) We forgive Eli Manning for being a terrible actor because Peyton Manning would be disappointed if he heard us laughing at Eli.

6) Peyton Manning has never used the Lord's name in vain.

7) Peyton Manning has never made a yo mama joke.

8) If Peyton Manning did make a yo mama joke, you would laugh at it, because it would be funny.

9) Peyton Manning looks Tom Brady in the eye after football games, even though Tom Brady supports Donald Trump.

10) Peyton Manning is proof that if you eat your green beans, you too can be an NFL quarterback.

11) If Peyton Manning borrowed $30, he'd probably pay you back.

12) We forgive Archie Manning for being an average NFL quarterback because Peyton Manning would be disappointed if he heard us laughing at Archie.

13) If Peyton Manning throws an interception, he goes back to the bench and looks at pictures.

14) If Peyton Manning throws a touchdown, he goes back to the bench and looks at pictures. 

15) If you give Peyton Manning voice exercises he will practice a solid half hour per day and keep a journal with detailed notes about his progress, without you even prompting him to do so.

16) Peyton Manning drinks skim milk, but he doesn't mind that you drink whole milk. 

17)If you tell Peyton Manning about your breakup, he will listen intently, and say, "I hear you man, that sucks," without trying to fix it.

18) Peyton Manning thinks Brock Osweiler is a pretty good quarterback.

19) Peyton Manning thinks Gary Kubiak was a pretty good quarterback.

20) If Peyton Manning were Luke Skywalker in "The Empire Strikes Back" he would finish his training with Yoda, but he understands why Luke left.

21) Peyton Manning's favorite Beatle is Ringo.

22) Peyton Manning will invite you to his party even if he knows you have other plans that night. 

23) No one talks about Peyton's physical attributes. To hear people talk about him, you'd think he were physically a less able quarterback than a gordita. However people applaud his work ethic, his respect for the game, and his preparation. When you're a musician with a mediocre voice, who's on the wrong side of youth, who doesn't have a chiseled jaw; this becomes pretty meaningful.